i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i came on her dog
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
