There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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