end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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