Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
