have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
