so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
