You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
