A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I AM VODKA MAN
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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