i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
