Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
