I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I AM VODKA MAN
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
