Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
