id be glad to
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
