Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
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