Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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