Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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