3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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