Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
