i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
