a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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