chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
