Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
