I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
