So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
