I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
