TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
