Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
