It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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