I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
