I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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