forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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