I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
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