we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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