glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
