I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
