someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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