so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Randomize
