so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
She's the barista slut.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
