Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
