is your mom at the bar?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
