i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Best friends brother. Beat that.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Randomize
