Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
