I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
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