i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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