Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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