Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
