Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
