I'm so fucking centered right now
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
