Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
