Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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