It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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