and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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