I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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