She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
