Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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