We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
4 words: hood of his car
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
